Drowning in a sea of emotions

Plunged to the depths of despair

It’s a place I didn’t want to go

I really, really didn’t want to go there

To touch my grief

The fragile, vulnerable part of me

I’d kept hidden and buried deep.

I didn’t want to go near the wound

I’d kept safely under lock and key in the inner sanctum of my heart

Barricaded in behind thick, impenetrable walls

In the fortress I’d built to keep it at bay

To keep it far, far away

From ever seeing the light of day.

It was far too tender to touch

It hurt that much

It was a scab I’d never picked

One I’d ignored

In the hope it would eventually fade away

Protected in its enclave

Enslaved in a prison of drink and drugs.

As more and more anguish and heartache got heaped on top

I fortified my castle

Adding yet another rampart

And now it is crumbling and caving in

It is falling apart

My weakened heart

And I am picking through the rubble and ruin of devastation

Of desolation in a wasteland where nothing could be nurtured or grow

Until I let my demons go.

Without the air that I breathed and inhaled to keep me afloat

Without the drink that I drank to keep my head above water

Treading water

In the shallows of the moat

Wave after wave have loosened my grip on the safety of the boat to which I clung on tight, with all my might

Pitting me against the darkness of the loneliness of a never-ending night

As I taste the bitter salty tears of my ocean.

A chasm has opened up

A rift that is tearing me apart

Threatening to plunder me asunder

But finally, at least, at last, it is a start

To the healing process that needs to begin

There is a chink in my armour now

A place where the light can find its way in.